Most people who know me are well aware that one of my biggest fears for climbing Kilimanjaro is having to go to the toilet on a mountain.
Laughable, i know. But its true. I already had an irrational fear of public toilets, so being faced with the concept of no toilet, well, it made me want to cry. What made it even worse, was finding out that there are in fact, toilets on Kili, (of a sort) but they are ‘long drop’ toilets and this fills me with dread.
I was explaining this to a colleague the other day, and she asked me, ‘what is it exactly you don’t like about public toilets’ Little did she know, this was the start of a 30 minute conversation about toilets and poo. I definitely crossed a line. Probably more than one if i’m being completely honest.
My response was this:
Firstly, public toilets stink (apart from the ones in Tiffany’s, New York – now those toilets sparkled and smelled amazing!!)
Secondly, its bad enough hearing someone else doing their business, let alone thinking about them hearing you.
Thirdly, its just wrong!
Now i know that we all poo, and although on occassion i have been known to mention it, it is not something i really enjoy thinking about, especially not in a public place. To be honest, i’m the type of girl who would hold a wee in for 8 hours, rather than use some horrid public loo.
Anways, 30 minutes in to this conversation we reached to conclusion that, no-one actually enjoyed going the toilet in public, but when it has to be done, its best to make the most of it.
So, now i am armed with tips on how to go, when you’re on a mountain…
1. Take lots of loo roll in a water resistant bag
2. Roll your trouser leg up, or take them off to avoid contamination.
3. Perfume a scarf and breathe in as much as possible before entering.
4. Practice a good squatting stance prior to the trip – you don’t wanna fall halfway through the act.
5. Get over it, everybody poo’s. Fact.
With this i mind, i have adopted a new mantra… “I am a bear.” If it’s good enough for them, then it’ll have to be good enough for me…